On the best me..

Something happened last week. I do not wish to brag the details but it knocked right into my head that; Question: have I been the best wife to my husband?

The idea of getting married is so much fun. You know, living with a man that I have entirely being in love with, plan the future ahead, from where do we settle down and what will be our first baby’s name.

Married, and life started. Real one. Problems start knocking on the door. From, how long are we going to live long distant to when are we going to have our own kids. Misunderstanding arises, and we start having different opinions to every matter.

(Yes, we start to forget our birth date, anniversary, no more surprise and presents)

Those who have children start to think about time constrain, financial shortage, where do we put our kids while we’re at work?

At time, we start to think if we have more money, then we shall have fewer problems. You know, we can have a maid at home; we can buy the easiest water bottle dispenser, that sort of thing.

Nope, with current salary, those seem impossible. We find part time/ side income job, we started to consume time that we should be spending with the families (read: husband).  We don’t cook, and we started to eat outside (until at time we don’t even know what and where to eat)

We face these, I face this too. Life is not perfect. We work to find solution to every problem.

Too consumed in finding solution, we forgot that the foundation to a marriage is a HUSBAND and a WIFE.

If one of these elements are not in the `picture’, then how do we proceed with what we had planned before? (You know our first boy’s name, which house are we buying)

Then we started wondering, have I been the best for him? After all these years, do I wear cloth that he likes to see me in? Do I wear enough make up to please him? I do cook, but does he really like it? Do I obey to every word he says?

I used to read one story back in Rasulullah SAW time, where there was a wife who didn’t visit his father’s body during his funeral because her husband told him not to ever leave the house as long as he went to a war; even though the whole family talked to her to come and visit but she insisted to stand by her husband’s order. So, his father was buried without her got to see him for the last time. And Alhamdulillah, one night, his father came into her dream and said that he is happy in the heaven because as Allah had grant him into the Heaven for he had taught her to be an obedient wife to a man. MasyaAllah.

Another story back into the time, a wife had just received news that her son had passed away. She was very sad for the boy is her favorite child. For her husband is not in the country, she took care of her son’s funeral. And when her husband came back, she didn’t mention anything about the son. She cook for her husband, entertain him and pleased him to his need. Not until her husband asked her, where is their son, then only she told him that their son had passed away. How could she hold her tears in front of her husband for she is grieving for her son’s death despite the fact that she was very very sad for her lost? MasyaAllah.

My Ibu, is the best role model a wife I can have. Ayah always says that Ibu will easily be granted to heaven for she is a best wife anyone could have. She is very obedient, she puts ayah in her top priority list, even Hazeman always says, follow ibu footsteps, she has portrays a perfect role as a wife and a mother. I learn to be redha to everything that happen in my life through ibu. It is very hard to hear ibu grumble over a matter, for she will always say, dah usaha,kan? Jadi redha je,ok? (Redha is a five letter word yang paling susah utk dibuat, seriously!)

After what happen last week, I started to do some check and balance within myself as a wife. I might do some drastic changes in order to make Hazeman feels that he is very important to me; that no one else is more important than he is, to me. If ibu can do it, why can’t I? I came from her genes, anyway, hehehe!

There's silver lining in every clouds

Our family have a pair of twins, Soliha and Solihuddin; whom we called Kakak and Iddin.

They have lost their mother when they were 2-3months old. Their mother was my aunt, my father's sister. She died of cancer which she has lived with nearly for 4 years. She left us 7 children, Kakak and Iddin are the youngest.

We have been helping their father to babysit them since they were 4 months old; on weekends, long holidays and school holidays.

Yes, Kakak has always been a bully ;p

This year they will turn two years old. How time flies that I (and Hazeman) couldn't imagine weekends without them. They have grew in front of us, we witnessed their first word such as "No, Mamam, Popoo," and so many other word.

And she always want to pose in front of Iddin

She has never failed to give the brightest smile

Iddin with his walker

Mischievous Iddin!

With his fav Osh Kosh B'Gosh footwear

When she has no mood, she ignores lenses

Rabbit Iddin =)

Rabbit Kakak =)

How big they have grown..

.................

I have always feel devastated everytime on the `time of the month'. It has been nearly two years and I have yet to get any good news. Of course everyone kept asking, "Bila lagi? takde apa-apa lagi ke?". Now, I guess everyone is tired of asking that none of them ever asked anymore. Don't worry, I am worried too.

But, when I looked at Kakak and Iddin, I understand why Allah has yet to give the rezkh for any child. He wants me to share the love and care that I have with them. He gave me opportunities to have an early ILMU how to deal with not only one, but two kids at a time. How change diapers, bath them, buat susu, dealt with their tantrums, everything! I guess he is preparing me for better parenthood, one fine day.

Other than that, I have more time with Hazeman; which I seldom had when he was in Kuching.

Yes, there's a silver lining and every clouds and I am thankful for His blessings.

Hanie Adzman